Pinewood Derby

We have 2 boys so far who've been involved with the Cub scouts. One of the "rites of passage" of a cub scout is the Pinewood Derby. Now Don and I both grew up outside of the US and had no clue what this hoopla was about the PD. In 2006 we lived in Mount Vernon, Illinois (there are something like 12 Mt Vernon in the whole country) when Thomas got to make his car. With only 3 boys in the pack, the bear leader opened the fun event to whoever wanted to participate in the ward. So every member of our family decided to make a car to race. They even got names, like, the Glamour Pink Panther, the Formula 1, the Flame, The Black widow, The Classique and the Sliver.
On D-day the races were good natured and everyone cheered: a friendly competition, all in all a pleasant experience. Retrospectively, we had just been introduced gently to a sub-culture of fanatics who take Pinewood Derby car building and racing very seriously. The past couple of years we've seen first hand how fierce the competition gets between dads (mostly) through their sons. The point of the exercise is for the 8 & 9 year old boys to turn a chunk of pine into an original vehicle weighing no more than exactly 5 ounces and then race it against friends for ribbons, pins and bragging rights. Most of the time, the dads will take over the creation and it becomes a "dog eat dog" race. When you stick to the rules and your son is the one doing the creating with minimal help from his parents as it should be, feelings get quite hurt and the spirit of being christlike and a good boy scout kind of get thrown out, and people you've never even met suddenly are there: from 4 or 5 boys you know 30 cars show up for competition! It's insane! Nathan had his race on Thursday evening. We showed up early for the weighing in. He kept being pushed out of the way and when he caught eye of the competition, he knew there would be no competition for him: his car looked great I thought, until I to saw what he was up against. The Boy Scout of America has an official pinewood derby car kit, but you can find plans, stickers, special parts, etc. online to make your car so cool and so fast. I never thought grown-ups could get this obsessed. Of course the boys want to show off "their" car, and test race it on the official track to see how it handles before the official race. And that's where it started going wrong. Nathan's car looks like he did it himself, and it was slower going to the end of the track. So with tears in his eyes he asked to go home and forget about the whole event he had looked forward to. I was torn and Don was understandably upset because we think it fairly unfair for one boy to follow the rules and work mostly on his own and for others to brag about a project they've had little to do with. That's where Don said he was fairly unamerican, because he is not out to "kill" the next guy, to be better and bigger than whoever. He always cheers for the underdog and does seek recognition. The man is so smart and talented, but he is so humble about it. We both come from cultures where being an overachiever is not really pushed that much in general, I certainly don't know how to deal with that attitude that they should always be told how great they are, etc. I almost feel like a failure because we don't have so many things to show for. If I don't think about it I'm ok, but on days like that Derby thing, I feel rotten for my kids. Our kids feel left out when come time for awards given at scouts particularly. Thomas missed his "Arrow of light" by little because I didn't really care to nag him about it. We have other priorities.




Anyway on our way out tro the parking lot we bumped into Nathan's bear leader: Jodi. We told her our reasons for leaving. And guess what? She was wonderful. She asked to see Nathan's car and appropriately admired it for his efforts and she took his picture as she was planning to for all her boys. She also told him that she had gone through the same scenario with her son Brayden who's Thomas' age as well as Thomas' friend. She was so empathetic that Nathan ended up leaving feeling reassured that he was good enough and that he didn't have to be ashamed of his little car named the Bolt. Thomas and him worked on it as a team and THAT is the point of the Pinewood derby. From a sad and tense beginning, the evening went on at home where we rallied around Nathan as a family to watch a movie and have a great time. I am thankful for a kind and attentive leader who made my little boy feel that he hadn't failed and that he was loved (and not just by his partial mom and dad). And you thought I was out to whine all night. Ha! I'm an optimist and I don't stay down long. Still I feel it deep for my children. I can't always spare them pain even if sometimes I can be the source of that pain too.